I slept on this book, and I shouldn’t have, but like a lot of us who came of age in the 80’s and 90’s, all of the stories and media I consumed that had anything to do with HIV and AIDS were so fucking traumatizing. And it’s on me that I didn’t realize sooner how much my internalized perception of living with HIV hadn’t changed since I was a teenager, and how much it’s impacted my willingness to engage with stories where it’s a part of the character’s life. Anyway, this is just to say my knee jerk expectation was wrong, and don’t be me.
And it’s not that there isn’t any trauma to be found in the book, I’m not sure I’ve met another queer person who’s been allowed to live a trauma free life. We are currently, constantly being villainized and scapegoated, that hasn’t changed basically ever, and fuck anyone who thinks that doesn’t leave a mark even when it’s indirect. Conversion therapy in stories and conversation is particularly difficult for me, and important to note there is very direct portrayal of Go Young’s experience with this. Despite that, I didn’t finish the book feeling like I’d been further wounded by the story. I think in part because Go Young as a character is so lively and engaging and charming and reminds of friends I have cared for deeply; one of my favorite things is the conversational tone of each section and how incredibly fond it made me feel for him, how connected I stayed through the whole story. Told in four parts, it felt particularly episodic, and even though I intended to savor it a section at a time and not rush through it, I couldn’t put it down and finished it in one go.
Speaking of episodic, I also watched the show (not the movie, they are not the same) afterwards, and gosh I loved it. (It is worth noting you may not be able to watch this depending on your location and availability of the Viki Plus plan, very much hoping for broader access!) The casting was great and it felt like Go Young, Mi Ae/Jaehee, and each of the men in their lives were really well expressed. It was definitely a show where the presence of the author was obvious, and while not a one to one expression with every detail locked in to the novel, it felt very true to the book.
I’ll definitely read this again, I’ll definitely watch the show again, and if you’re looking for queer litfic that’s a bit funny, a bit sad, and will stay with you, give this a go. And if you’ve already read it and are looking for more work by Park Sang Young, I really enjoyed The Tears of an Unknown Artist, or Zaytun Pasta.
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